Saturday, February 19, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day - Post mortem

Valentine's Day happened two days ago.  In light of the big day, I'm going to offer the men in the audience some advice on how to make an impact on their wife or girlfriend.  So here goes nothing...

1.)  Give up the porn:  Dudes, stay away from that crap and everything that is like unto it.  If your wife or girlfriend is into that stuff, get her away from it too.  Women don't like their men participating in that.  It makes them insecure and it messes with your brain.  I know too many people who have been trapped in that lie and they have destroyed themselves and their relationships and marriages.  So if you're into it, get un-into it.  NOW!  If you need help, please see:

2.)  Do something thoughtful/show your wife that you love her.  What's thoughtful?  How do you show your wife you love her?  Here are some suggestions:

  • Heart attack her.  What does that mean?  Well, don't scare the poor woman!  Get a bunch of red construction paper.  Cut out a bunch of hearts.  Lots of hearts.  Write something on them.  Then disperse them in various places.  For example, I taped one red heart to the inside cup of my wife's bra.  I put "Not bigger, just better."  Put them on her cell phone, on her key ring, inside her check book, in her car, on her pillow, in her favorite book that she likes to read, on her shoes that she wears, on the smoke detector, inside her diary/journal, and so forth.  Why do women like this?  Because it shows that you put some thought into what you are doing.  It isn't necessarily what you do, but the amount of thought that you put into doing it.
  • Do some household chores.  Make the bed.  Wash some clothes.  Fold the clothes.  Clean up the dishes.  Make dinner and then clean up afterward.  Change a messy diaper.  Do something that you normally don't do that your wife/girlfriend typically does.  Women like it when you help them out around the home.
  • Flowers.  They don't have to be expensive, just get her some flowers.  If your woman isn't into flowers, then see above.
  • Give her a card or write her a note.  Tell her how much she means to you.  Tell her you would marry her all over again if you had to do it all over again.  Tell her she is the most wonderful thing since sliced bread.
  • Be a gentleman.  I should not have to say this, but treat your wife/girlfriend with respect.  Open the door for her.  Help her with her coat.  Pull her seat out for her at dinner.  This is stuff you should be doing all the time and not just on Valentine's day.
  • Plan something together.  Because my wife is so busy, I really can't surprise her very well.  About the only surprise I have in my arsenal is to do something which appears spontaneous, but has been  planned in advance.  Things I would like to do to surprise my wife would be to take her away for a weekend on what appears to be short/no notice, but in reality has been planned for some time.  It can't work because I have to tell my wife not to commit to things for a particular time period.  I just can't intercept everything that she does because I'm not always in the loop.  So because of our schedules, I end up telling her what I'm planning to do and involve her in the planning process.  It isn't as spontaneous as it otherwise would be, but it works.
  • Ask and listen.  Ask your wife what she likes and then listen to what she is saying.  If she likes to camp and you don't, then surprise her and go camping.  Be a part of her hobbies.
3.)  Give your significant other a back rub.  If you have a girlfriend, rub her feet and ONLY her feet.  Stop there.  If you're married, start with her feet and end at her neck.

4.)  Listen.  Most women love to talk.  They will talk for hours.  You may be tempted to tune out.  Don't.  Absolutely don't tune your woman out.  Listen to hear.  Interact with her.  Find out what makes her tick and use that wealth of information so that you can surprise and please her.  Go shopping with her.  That way you get to know her tastes.  So when it comes time to making a purchase (hopefully) you've figured her out well enough to make a fairly educated purchase.  You may not always hit a home run, but you'll do better than if you don't listen and you aren't a part of her life.

I could probably go on, but I'm drawing a blank at the moment.  I'm going to offer some advice to the women in the audience.

1.)  Whatever he does, be appreciative of it.  If you want to make a guy mad, don't say "Thank you".  Ingratitude (or if I thought I was there solely for the entertainment of my date and nothing else) would sink the relationship faster than the iceberg that sank the Titanic.  So be gracious.  Remember in these tough economic times your honey may want to do more for you, but can't.  So please, please don't be critical.  Additionally, a guy's ego can be invested in what he's given you.  If you dis on his gift, you've just dissed on his ego.  The chances of you getting something good in the future is about a snowball's chance of survival in a very warm place.

2.)  Tell your guy want you like/want.  Guys can't read minds.  The only person that I know of that could do that walked the earth 2,000 years ago.  The rest of us poor schmucks have never had the ability to do that, nor will we ever be able to read your mind.  Many of us are poor communicators.  So we appreciate it when the woman we love and adore is open and honest with us and will talk to us and tell us what you want.  Guys will work like crazy to please a woman, so be careful with what you ask for.  Be sensitive to the man's financial means and the amount of time available.  Example:  My wife wants a bigger house.  She let me know about it.  I told her "No" because of finances.  She continued to push and I continued to hold my ground.  She has accepted the answer and has moved on, although she does read the online ads for houses.  She just doesn't bring it up any more and has accepted our situation.  I would love to buy her a bigger house, but I know what I can and cannot financially afford so I hold my ground.

3.)  Ask your honey what he likes and dislikes.  You can't read guy's minds any better than they can read yours.  You just think you can read his mind.  Ask him what he likes and doesn't like.  WARNING!!  Some guys don't have a filter and will give you what they like and don't like, which may be devastating to you.  If you cannot handle the truth, then don't ask.  But if you ask, be prepared for the answer, regardless of what it is.  And don't be mad at the guy for speaking his mind.  You did ask for his likes and dislikes, did you not?  So be prepared for the tsunami of revelation that may come from it.  If you can handle this, you will receive a wealth of information that will help you understand your man.

One other thing to remember is that some guys simply won't tell you stuff.  Why?  Because they are afraid.  They are afraid of your response to the truth.  If you or someone else have asked for his opinion in the past and he's been hammered for giving his opinion, chances are you won't get much of a response from him.  If he has told you personal stuff and you've used it against him in an argument, he won't be respond with much info.  He might test the waters and float a few things and see how you respond.  If you blow a gasket, he will shutdown, put up armor defenses and hunker down reading himself for the shelling he is about to receive.  But if he thinks you are handling the truth well, then he may open up even more.  So listen.  Ask questions.  Understand.  Because if your man opens up to you, you will see his soul.  If you crap on his soul, he will no longer open up unless he feels he can trust you again.  If you repeatedly burn him, he may never open up to you ever again, regardless of any assurances you may give him to the contrary.  Dudes just don't like getting hurt.  They would rather wander in the desert for a week without food and water and risk death than get their emotions stomped on.

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